I Hate June. Too Much.

Last time..
I used to be so excited about it..
I used to be so liking it..
Part of it is because my birthday is around and there will be school holidays for about 2 weeks...
I really liked June a lot...

But now..
I just don't know anymore.
It's been a bad month for me to go through..
I was having a rough time but I still managed to tell myself to forget about it..
Cause it was "nothing".
No worry cause I actually has a really great "powerful" short term memory that really "helps" me to forget lots of bad things that I don't wanna to remember...

It's just like the god of bad luck is around me...
Follow me whenever I go..
Cursing me all the time.. wtf
I am not trying to be so superstition here...
But I really do have so many kinda bad dream recently..
It's like giving me a negative effects after been through those nightmares..
I know it sounds silly...
I said that because I just wanna to feel better.

It's hard.. I can't expressed myself well lately..
My bad feelings and bad emotions are all over my stupid face..
And I hate it most when other people is telling me that..

I am afraid of losing.
I get terrified about it.
But it happen.
I hate to admit it...
Things that are not yours are being doomed.

"Sometimes, I wish everyone can listen to me."
"Sometimes, I wish everyone can talk to me."
"Sometimes, I wish everyone can be good to me."
"Sometimes, I wish everyone can share with me."

Does it sounds pathetic to you? The answer is NO.
Because, it just sounds so greedy and naive to me.

Just leave me alone...
I don't need any sympathy...
Cause that's will only make me look pathetic.
I don't want.

For me, crying is the best part.
I cried when watching TV..
I cried when someone passed away..
I cried when something is missing..

No doubt, I did cry all the time whenever I don't feels good.
But I'll only do it when I'm alone.
I don't like to show to people.
[Crying = Showing ugly face]

I am totally understand consciously that crying is definitely not a great way to solve a problem.
It is just a way to release or expressed self emotions.
So, it's nothing do with neither mental nor physical.
No worry. That is not a crime or whatever bad thing.
If, it is a way to feel better, just do it.

So tired now..
Need to get some sleep...


p/s: I'm lacking of _ _ _ _ .