S P R E A D I T O U T O F M Y M I N D

i feel upset.

i always wanted to be independent.
but
even if i try
i always failed to do so.

i don't understand.
is it my problem to fail to do something?
is it i don't have the ability to do something that i wanted to?

why i can't just let myself to do something by my own?
why i always need help by others?

i understand it is good to get help by others
especially when he/she is volunteer to do so

yes
that's really help a lot through my whole 19 years back
i appreciated all the helps that offer.

but
when i looked back
i don't see anything
that is completely done by myself

i don't have anything
that is done through my ability

i don't have anything
that i can do it alone.

why can't i just complete something?
why the others can do it while i can't?
why am i is so weak?

i hate to be weak :(

i know
cause i always tell myself that
when you don't have the ability or power to do something
then just don't do it
cause it might just become worse than you can imagine

so
i never ask or force myself to put affort on
things that i can't complete or things that  i can't do better or things that i don't like.

but
i want to try to be different
and i can almost reach it

but why you just don't let me to complete it.
you evil dark side.
i hate you.
I HATE YOU.

why can't you just trust yourself ?
i need a little bit more courage and responsibility to do so.

FML