:l

First thing,
I got really emotional today.
I'm always like this. and I'll always be like this.
Sorry to my sweetheartS if I do hurt your feelings.
As one of my sweetheartS said, I am a person who has this personality.
My strengths are my weaknesses too.
I got too straight forward sometimes, it's good to tell the truth but in other hand, it might hurt people's feelings.
and whenever I have my own decision, I won't easily get influence by people to make a change to my decision, in fact, people might think why I'm so unsocial or why we are not in the same league or why I'm the odd one.
I'm not trying to be the special one. I just wanna be me. myself.
I got so intense sometimes just because of how people will think me.
I believe if you could accept my weaknesses, I could accept yours too.
This is how thing should be. How thing will works. Sort of Ying and Yang.
and sweetheartS will always be my sweetheartS.
Love ya.

Another thing today,
I had a really nice time laying on Xiao Min's bed together with Sok Yee too.
We just have some random topics and stuff.
It was nice. I really love that.
I hope we will be able to do that too in future.
It feels so close together just relaxing around and talking.
Though was nothing important but I appreciate the time we spend together.

Last thing today,
the thing that will NEVER EVER happen and it eventually happpened.
I never thought this would happen because I was kinda "gave up" already.
It's good when I didn't expect any of this to happen and it feels really good that way.
It's more comfortable this way and I hope this thing could just last like this.
A surprise. and I called it faith.
Ever since Alan "found" me back again, I started to believe that we meet and knowing each other for reasons.
I offen to question myself, "There's billions of people in the world, and why do I meet you? Why you?"
Because it just happen for the second times today.
and it proven that, what I believe is true.
It's important to appreciate things that happen around. Even the tiny little thing.
What happens, do happens. Do not let regret happens.

I just felt so incredible and it was beautiful :)
For one moment, I feel so glad that I was cooking that time. haha

:)

"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
- Abraham Lincoln

I have make my own choice.
I decided to let things be.
No stress. No constrain. No regret.
I just want you to be happy, and I'll be happy, too.
Miss you :)

28032012

I guess I'm just expecting a little bit too much.

and

It's sort of frustrating.

06032012

I won't change the fact of what I've decided.
It won't have any changes neither.

I'm getting
Sadder. Unhappy. Sorrow. Depressing.
of how things going on.

I don't want to make myself look so pathetic.
I decided to ignore this matter.

I don't know what so big deal about this to me.

Why people can take it so easily while I need to surfer from this matter?
Why people can see it as a happy thing happening around and why can't I?
Why people can feel the happiness that it distract me so much that I could take it anymore?

Seriously?
Why do I fucking care!

Maybe,
I'll just need more time.

I need more time to cool down myself
and
accepting the fact that have no changes.
even I how much I hate the fact it is.

How much I hope I never feel this way...

Tears will always give me comfort.

Hopefully the brighter side of me could cheers me up by getting rid of all this sadness as soon as possible.

I would not want sadness to ruin my happiness.

Chin Ee, cheer up!

04032012

What happen to me.

Why can't I just ignore it.

This is getting worse.

What can I do?

I can do, nothing.
Just, nothing.

Shall I just let it be?

I don't know.
and I don't want.

But

There's nothing I can do to make it different.
I am so fucking hate myself now.

Why do I care so much?
The more I care, the more I feel the pain.

This is just too sad to be sad.

:(

Happy Random

The pics below were took on last Saturday at around 830pm.

We went swimming and dinner together.

We, eventually, went to Uncle Boey's house after dinner and I think that will be the 1st and last he would ever invite us there. haha

Having seriously MUCH fun though I was extremely tired after work X)

I'm so sorry to my beloved lai ma that I didn't captured your whole figure into the pic.

I was just testing the panorama that time.

and I like the superb vertical size of the pic which capture the whole thing.

It's been long time ago and I don't even remember when was the last time we hanging out on Saturday night like this.

Kakilangs are having hard time to spend some quality time together and will only meet up during special occasions such as birthday celebration.

such a shame

there's only two months to go until we finish our last semester.

I will probably missing all of you though I know you all won't miss me.

Can't believe I'm saying this right now, but I am really glad that I meet you all and we become really close friends that can talk about fart and shit whenever we want, and I know that sounds so wrong and disgusting, but those kinda crappy communications shown that we are actually close as family members too.

I believe in fate.

and

I know it. This is fate.

Although our relationship status might now change from Kakilang to "Harlo-Harlo friend" in future, but I won't get upset or dissapointed, because I already have a irreplaceable and unique sweet memories that will always keep in my mind and heart.

Thank you for loving and caring me all this time in uni.

I hope you all could continue to love me and I hope there is no expire date for our friendships.

I don't know why I am being so sentimental and super geli here, lastly, I gotta say that, I hope we can still be friends or Kakilangs in second life :)

我是最佳石头女演员。

真的是丢脸丢到家。

脸皮薄，不是我的错。
眼泪控制不了，不是我想的。
你不把我当一回事，无所谓。
你不珍惜，就是你不对。

你无意地刺痛了我渺小的心灵。

真的，好痛。

04022012

I want to write something
but I don't know what is it.
So, what I am going to post here is what getting on my mind these days.
and it's... kinda.. some crapping nonsense that you could just ignore it. haha

Chinese New Year was as usual for me
every year is the same, nothing much different.
just that I have done some paper cutting stuff to decorate my house
and it reminds me that how much I used to love doing those hand crafts
like, spending my whole day just for completing 1 stuff.
and I do amazed by the "high level" of my own patience sometimes. XD

I used to love art very much.
since I enter uni, I didn't really pay much attention to it by giving myself excuses like "I'm busy, even I'm not, I'll act busy" or "I'm so darn lazy now, I'm sleepy".
I so fucking hate myself. Sometimes.
Instead of wasting time jealousing how other people can do what they like to do, I choose a better way to make myself into a happier person.

By thinking positively, what I can do and how I can do, it takes more energy than starting to do it.
I plan stuff. Always.
But most of it doesn't make out because I didn't bother to action.
As I'm in my last semester now, I think A LOT lately.
About future mainly.
Though I am on 50/50 side believe that "2012 year is the end of the world" thing. haha

It's kinda frustrating when you try to do something that is totally out of your ability to do so.
It happen all the time for me.
But I'm willing to take the risk, accept the challenge, and experience the adventure.
I love learning new stuff :)
Discovering is good.
Being unique is what I'll do. and I'm lovin' it :)

It doesn't matter what you do, because happiness is what matter.
You'll never know what will be in the next 5 or 10 years.
So, don't stop doing what you like!

some random pic.
will try to tie this bun to uni someday XD

Peace :D

:[

I'm NOT your ROBOT

so

STOP

controling me!

很累。

做人，难。
做好人，更难。

如果 做每一样事情都要计较的话
会很累。

样样都在意的话
会更累。

我好累。
不过，很庆幸的是，
目前正在学习着如何看开一点。

要不断告诉自己，
不要让不值得的事情把自己搞得那么累。

会吃亏啊。XD

08112011

当自己一直不断 抱怨的时候

此刻 才发现
原来
大部分的问题 都出在于自己本身。

为什么会是我的问题？
为什么就只有我有问题？
为什么我会有问题？

为什么？
真的是我的问题  吗？

该如何是好

我无法改变我自己 也无法改变别人
我无法改变我对他人的看法  同时  也无法改变他人对我的看法

我无法接受别人 别人也无法接受我

就像滴在水上的蜡
飘浮着
没办法 沉去水低 也无法融入水里。

一个人 也是可以活得很好的
也许 偶尔 会无聊
然而 时间久了 就会习惯的。

即使 我无法成为水滴 我依然会继续漂浮在水面
不能合成一体 也不能被毁灭。

Squeeze it

Mum laughed at me about how suck was my working performance today.

This sad.

She always like to ask about how's my work everytime I got home from work.

Today was my 1st day of work for my another part time job.

I told her it is necessary to achieve 22kg each day.

(that's the weight of boxes of contest form in it.)

"So, how much you get?" She asked.

"16kg something." I said.

"Then how about the others?" Asked again.

"22-23kg, roughly." I replied.

"You are poor." and there goes the laughter.

I don't get it why my parent is like that.

Apparently, most of the Chinese parents are LIKE THAT.

According to what I read in the books,

 "Parent will always be our great encouragement."

"Well done, you tried your best."

This will never ever happen to me in the real life.

This sad.

At this point, I usually lose my temper.

"Is my first day, okay?"

"They have been working since the past two weeks."

Turned my back and walked away.

This is why I have become the rude and bad temper one in the eyes of old folks recently.

Fuck it, I'm tired of being a good kid anyway.

Emotional do affects my mood.

and I'm really not in a good mood right now.

Random.

I always wonder
what would it be if I make another decision on something?
will it ever be any difference?
will it be better?

I wonder.

Sometimes I wish to go back to the past and make changes.
It's not necessary to be good outcome,
but at least I won't be regretted.

I regretted. All the time.
Those decisions I made. Things that I done.
I wish I never do such thing or said such thing.
I'll never be a good lier. suck at it actually.
It usually puts on all over my face when I tell lie and
when I'm not happy about something.

My face is easy to read.
I don't understand why people always think that I'm such a complicated human.
The fact is, I'm not.
I'm just different.
I'm not hard to be understood.
Don't you get it?
Just because I'm not the common one and you treat me like the bad one?
Don't you ever judge a book by it's cover.
Fuck you and sorry to tell you that I'm a pretty young girl.

That's doesn't mean I shouldn't be treat like a female just because
I don't like pink colour,
I don't like girlish outfits,
I don't like to sing female artist's song,
I hate disgusting flirty words,
I hate people whistle at me just because I have a pony tails,
and
I'm not as polite or gentle as other girls.
Eeeww!! This is sick!

What the hell if you think no guys will wanna date me?
Who cares? cause I don't.
I don't see there's any problem cause I'm rude or whatsoever.
Face it! Hypocritical coward.

I'm not okay about everything.
and I don't act to be "it's okay, I don't mind" face when it's not.
I'm straight forward even if it might hurt someone's feelings.
I'm just telling the truth, if you can't take it, fine,
but I won't change my mind.
Sometimes you'll just have to accept the fact that the reality is cruel.
It's not like you'll always get the good one only.
Nothing is perfect okay?

Yea yea so what I'm selfish or a cheapskate?
I don't want any arguments or quarrel..




Just leave me alone.

:(

“她真的很有问题。”

把我的脑袋剁成肉碎吧。

活着没意思。

Untitled.

Human being is emotional.
They, think.
They, change. From time to time.

You see.
When you realized that the person you think you know well and turns out eventually not exactly who you think the person is anymore.
This hurt :(


Alright, let's make an example here.

A: "Hey, check this is out! It's your favourite song :D "
B: "Oh. Not anymore. I'm more on pop song now. Thanks anyway :) "

THIS HURT.

Okay, another example.

A: "Hey, I just heard that you have a boy friend now."
B: "Yea. It's been some time. I didn't tell you that?"

THAT HURT awful. terrible.


Yea, people do change without you knowing it.
I try to understand why it is happening this so.
Is it how we communicate? How we interact to each other?
Or just simply because people just doesn't care anymore..?
Not something important?

I don't know.
Maybe, I just care. Part of it.
Maybe, it is not worth for me to care. anymore.
Even if I want to. I can't control you right?
It will be my last time to be emo about this.
It still hurt though. I might cry.
You've been important to me once. Thanks. Love ya.

For you.
This is exactly how I'm feeling right now.

东西不可以乱吃，话也不可以乱讲。

下次，
当你要在其他人面前说我朋友的坏话的时候，

请你想清楚，
到底这个人是否能够做到你吩咐他

“不可以跟人家讲”

这回事。


因为，
我实在是很苦恼从其他人的口中听起来非常逆耳的事。

搞什么有的，没有的，
他妈的狗屁，你哪位？


只要是真心对待我的人，
只要是我觉对我无害的人，
只要是我认为是我的好朋友的人，

都是重要的人。


对我而言，
“重要的人” 的定义是，

会在乎，
会关心，
会心疼，

最主要的是，会不爽别人侮辱或歧视我身边重要的人。


所以，
以后，
麻烦你，
不要在其他人面前乱乱说我朋友的坏话，
我真的会非常的苦恼哦。

谢谢。

This post is all about the HOLIDAYS

Just as what I mentioned from my previous post, I've been to the same places for twice in a semester break.
So, I ended up mixing the two trips together in 1 post.

However, the feelings and how I experienced for the trips were different and amazing.

Before I started to talk some awesome bull shit about the trip, I would like to express some of my recent thought.

I like the way of my life now.

Hanging out with my beloved one and sharing the great moments together is what touched my heart the most and I will definitely keep this memorable moments until the last breathe of my life.

I'll never forgot about what I've been through, both good and bad.
Life is short.

Just like what the Hong Kong drama said,

"人生有几多个十年？" (Cai, 2010)

There are how many ten years in life? (sorry, my english sucks!)

So, I choose to live happily.

No matter what happen, just live the way I wanted, be happy and enjoy life.

Stop being rubbish nonsense emo about how life's suck and how life is treated so unfair and whatever the fucking hell.

Do what ever you like!

Don't be afraid to be different and be brave to get what you want :)

 Okay. Done.

In order to continue this post, I've looked back the photos that we took during the trip.
There's A LOT.
So I decided to choose some random stuff to post here.
Random doesn't mean I qin cai write one ar. haha.

The 1st thing is, I cut my hair.
From this

to this.

I know I looked neat this way, but I still like my previous hair better.

Because it's messy and that signatured me.

Anyway, now it's longer and it's starting to become messy again!

Great news. I ♥ my awful hair.

At the bus station. Without my knowing.

This trip involved 5 people.
My 1st time to stay in one of my friend's house.
Cause, before this, I don't have any friend from Melaka.
She has a very nice, lovely parents :)
Our tour guide, Miss Jasmine brought us to so many places to EAT.
That's why this ended up with an album naming EAT EAT EAT Trip.

My favourite? Of course is the Si Ham! Ate 2 times!

love the raw bloody taste and the sauce!

Besides Si Ham, I have also ate coconut milk shake, Capitol Satay Celup, the same Nyonya restaurant, Nadeje cakes, durian puff... and etc for 2 times.
And unlimited times for Cendol.
Now, I guess I have to quit cendol for a long time.

Honestly, I don't really like Satay Celup.
I can tell that by seeing my face.

It's nothing special.
Not my favourite after all.
Oh! There's one more food that I loved.
Pepperoni pizza at Movida.

Beside McDonald's, Pizza is my 2nd favourite fast food.
Love love love PIZZA but strictly say no to Pizza Hut.

Oh! Didn't forget about this super delicious ice cream!
We had this at the Jonker street night market.
You can mix any flavour you want.
This is Oreo+Banana ice cream.

SUPER nice! Must try :)

But it's not cheap. RM5 for a small cup.

Both trip is so different.
I could tell which is the better since both were so nice.
Trip with xm is much more odd. Haha. Since she is forever busy.

Ate this cute little thing with the Kakilangs.
Amoy. Even the name is so-o-o cute!

It's quite nice but me and chloe prefer Amoy without kaya which can be found at Connaught Pasar Malam.

We just had Hello Kitty and Pikachu Amoy without kaya couple of weeks ago.

Oh, it's not Amoy, it named as Cream Cake but it's kosong inside one lar.

With xm gang, we walked a lot on the 2nd day.

Especially moments at the monuments, A Famosa building.

took a lot 38 pics. best 38 actress ever lar Jasmine.

This pic is nice :D

Yea, besides Melaka, I went to Port Dickson with Kakilang on the 1st day of our trip.

We went to Blue Lagoon beach.

I can say that's really fun because it's our 1st time to have picnic at the sea side together.

We had sandwich, fruits, kuih, and the not-in-the-picnic-list item, Roasted PORK.

That was kinda funny when I told my parents about it.

They must been thinking I have a group of unusual friends. haha.

Having lots of fun at the beach.

Jumping around and taking photos.

Especially when playing with the sand.

Chloe brought the sand castle tools that I asked.

This was my 1st time to play and build something using the tools that I've been dreaming about to do that since I was in kindergarden.

Basically, me and Uncle Boey have most of the fun playing with the sand.
I didn't know he has this passion and enthusiasm to build sand castle.

We even made this for our beloved Uncle Yap since he couldn't join us at the beach.
and I think he likes it. XD

I love the beach.
I love the sunny sun shine and the wind.
I love getting sun burn.
I love tanned.
I wish I could roll on the sand too bad I'm not in my swim suit. haha

We've went to a beach too at Melaka during EAT EAT EAT Trip.

I don't remember why we went there.

I think is because we ate too much and we need to digest and so we went for a walk at the beach.

Took some nice photo there too but I, personally like this.

It was a nice jump :)

There's another photo I like very much. Took by Johnny.

Kok Seong always have some nice pic.

Not that I love the way he posed, just those natural one.

How much I wish I could have a nice camera. haiz.

There's a HUGE surprise during trip with Kakilang.

Uncle Yap and Haha Lee eventually shown up in the 3rd day early in the morning.

I still remember I was sleeping in the living room by myself and Chloe wakes me up at 830am.

Telling me, "Lionel and Yap Jia came already."

I was still in the sleeping mode and it's kinda blur that I heard Chloe is saying this and that.

"They are at the outside."

"I'll open the door, you tell the others."

And so I got up from the bed and looked outside from the window.

"OMG. What is this all about.. Har?"

Went to room to room to tell them.

Still in shock when two of them came inside the house.

Gosh, is 830 in the morning! I didn't even brush my teeth yet.

 Happy and surprise. Well done.

That's all for the trip.

Those are just random stuff during the trip.

Not necessary to talk much about the details cause it will be fun if only when we start to talk about in some random conversations.

I did had a great time overall.

Eat is of course the best part! XD

And so I gained some weight immediately and lose some weight (lao sai) after a week later.

One word,

AWESOME.

haha.

Just random.

Sometimes, you just can't believe everything people tell you.
If you think it's true, then you're dum.
I know it. Cause I'm the dum dum now.

Anyway, I will get over it soon. Just after I have a good night sleep tonight and I will totally forget about what did I angry about in the next morning.
So, just let me release all my anger here for once and for all.



Where were you when I needed you the most?
Telling me that you were so death busy all the time and now you're actually helping others just because they beg for your help?
You don't even care!
Why do I have to hear things from the others rather than you?
Why this is so different and unfair!
What am I to you? FUCK!
So what? I have the rights to jealous and curse you.
Now I understand.
Don't even expect me to treat you good when I see you again.
Cause I do mind. As always.
Fuck all the things that you told me is true.
You are nothing to me from now on.
What the hell.
I hate you all.



Okay, enough.
Thanks again, Bloggie. And I love you.

10082011

Is strange.
It's almost 1am.
I don't feel sleepy or tired at all.
I feel hungry.
very hungry.

but
I won't eat now.

It will only makes me looked pathetic
cause it reminds me of you.


:(

Headache

Need sleep.

(x____x)
* Bored * 

- FML