Saturday, March 9
Sense and Sensibility.
What you are trying to do now is just temperary.
I know all your deep dark secrets.
And you shall have no way to escape from the fact that you are seriously trying to do something so wrong and awkward.
Something that is not right and it should not be happen.
Even if it really happens, you shall not or never ever think that this happened for a reason.
This is not a joke and it is a serious shit that you could not imagine the worst outcome.
You need to get back on your track and be insistent.
Wipe it out. After tonight.
I love y'all.
Monday, February 18
The current.
"I'm fine." - I'm not so okay.
"I'm happy for you." - I'm happy but I'm sad too because it's none of my business anyway.
"If you are happy, then I am happy too." - Trying to force myself to be happy as well, just for you.
"I have fun!" - I am so fucking happy that I will kiss your ass. Right here, right now.
I was happy, a minute ago.
Everything seems fine and close to perfect.
I got nothing to worry of and I love how the way it is now.
But, I am a sentitive, emotional human being.
I got feelings too even I don't show it on my hillarious face.
I feel the pains too even I'm putting on a big wide smile with my bad messy teeth on my face.
I got roller coaster ride of ups and downs too.
I am afraid of losing things I like and people I love so much. Just like all the people do.
Yes, I am a sentitive,emotional human being afterall.
Please do not take my sincere for granted.
It will took me a long, long time to recover.
Thanks.
Friday, October 19
Tuesday, October 16
16102012
失望与绝望。
失望是当一个人无法达到目标的时候的心情。
绝望是当一个人彻底地对目标没有了希望的心情。
这阵子同时体会了这两个心情。
失去与放弃梦想真的很残酷。
需要顾虑的事情太多了。
我可以做的事情就是面对这个烂现实。
对我而言，独自面对现实是件很痛苦的事情。
真的痛苦得快失去自我了。
讨厌无能为力的样子，
讨厌没有信心的样子，
讨厌缺乏勇气的样子。
就快连自己长什么样子都不晓得了。哈哈……。
Sunday, September 2
02092012
4 months ago, I told myself,
"I will think about what I'm gonna do after I end this shit and I should make a clear conclusion out of my mind."
4 months passed, I ask myself,
"What have I done for the 4 months? Nothing!"
I will always find myself an excuse for not doing something.
And at the end, I will always regretted for accomplished nothing.
"If only I could just pay more attention and focus more on what I want..."
Obstacles are bullshit.
Can anyone just slap me and wake me up?
All the while I thought I understand myself well.
and it's too sad to realize that I'm actually not really that good.
I will never good enough :(
Saturday, August 18
Sunday, June 24
今天，险扑街3次。
"Be creative lar."
“你没有主见的咩？”
"You are no longer special."
“……。”
当我觉得我们是同一类型的人时，
此刻你却离我如此的遥远。
真的好远。
我在原地一动也不动地看着你越走越远。
最糟糕的是，
不知道事情是从什么时候开始这样的。
沮。
不过，
最可笑的是，
我竟然还可以想起我们还是有相似之处。
就凭，
一支笔和一本随身带的小笔记本。
就这样安慰自己吗？
真可悲。
……。
此刻，
最需要的是赶快振作起来与渴望得到鼓励。
给自己加油吧。
挫折只是成长的一部分。
做自己。
Sunday, June 17
: l
When you're missing somebody, you could spend all the time to just think of it.
and it couldn't stop unless you got another thing to stuck in your head.
At this moment, I am.
and it just makes me to think and wonder.
I would want to tell you about everything I like.
I would want to make you happy no matter what it is.
I would want to give you surprises simple because of your smile.
and
What I like the most is
when you share your interest with me and force me to like it as well as you do even I'm not interested with it.
and
Eventually
you will always succeed.
because
I, love you, this MUCH!
Friday, June 15
遗憾 （一）
话说，
忽然发现自己并没有一张像样一点的全身照。
那些，
不是搞笑的，就是搞怪的。
因为这样留恋才有意思嘛。
加上，
害羞的本性，
本人还是比较喜欢拍人家多过别人拍自己。
不过，
今天就二十二岁了，
还是一张像样一点点…一…点…点的全身照，还是没有。
忽然发现自己并没有一张像样一点的全身照。
那些，
不是搞笑的，就是搞怪的。
因为这样留恋才有意思嘛。
加上，
害羞的本性，
本人还是比较喜欢拍人家多过别人拍自己。
不过，
今天就二十二岁了，
还是一张像样一点点…一…点…点的全身照，还是没有。
Thursday, April 19
:l
First thing,
I got really emotional today.
I'm always like this. and I'll always be like this.
Sorry to my sweetheartS if I do hurt your feelings.
As one of my sweetheartS said, I am a person who has this personality.
My strengths are my weaknesses too.
I got too straight forward sometimes, it's good to tell the truth but in other hand, it might hurt people's feelings.
and whenever I have my own decision, I won't easily get influence by people to make a change to my decision, in fact, people might think why I'm so unsocial or why we are not in the same league or why I'm the odd one.
I'm not trying to be the special one. I just wanna be me. myself.
I got so intense sometimes just because of how people will think me.
I believe if you could accept my weaknesses, I could accept yours too.
This is how thing should be. How thing will works. Sort of Ying and Yang.
and sweetheartS will always be my sweetheartS.
Love ya.
Another thing today,
I had a really nice time laying on Xiao Min's bed together with Sok Yee too.
We just have some random topics and stuff.
It was nice. I really love that.
I hope we will be able to do that too in future.
It feels so close together just relaxing around and talking.
Though was nothing important but I appreciate the time we spend together.
Last thing today,
the thing that will NEVER EVER happen and it eventually happpened.
I never thought this would happen because I was kinda "gave up" already.
It's good when I didn't expect any of this to happen and it feels really good that way.
It's more comfortable this way and I hope this thing could just last like this.
A surprise. and I called it faith.
Ever since Alan "found" me back again, I started to believe that we meet and knowing each other for reasons.
I offen to question myself, "There's billions of people in the world, and why do I meet you? Why you?"
Because it just happen for the second times today.
and it proven that, what I believe is true.
It's important to appreciate things that happen around. Even the tiny little thing.
What happens, do happens. Do not let regret happens.
I just felt so incredible and it was beautiful :)
For one moment, I feel so glad that I was cooking that time. haha
I got really emotional today.
I'm always like this. and I'll always be like this.
Sorry to my sweetheartS if I do hurt your feelings.
As one of my sweetheartS said, I am a person who has this personality.
My strengths are my weaknesses too.
I got too straight forward sometimes, it's good to tell the truth but in other hand, it might hurt people's feelings.
and whenever I have my own decision, I won't easily get influence by people to make a change to my decision, in fact, people might think why I'm so unsocial or why we are not in the same league or why I'm the odd one.
I'm not trying to be the special one. I just wanna be me. myself.
I got so intense sometimes just because of how people will think me.
I believe if you could accept my weaknesses, I could accept yours too.
This is how thing should be. How thing will works. Sort of Ying and Yang.
and sweetheartS will always be my sweetheartS.
Love ya.
Another thing today,
I had a really nice time laying on Xiao Min's bed together with Sok Yee too.
We just have some random topics and stuff.
It was nice. I really love that.
I hope we will be able to do that too in future.
It feels so close together just relaxing around and talking.
Though was nothing important but I appreciate the time we spend together.
Last thing today,
the thing that will NEVER EVER happen and it eventually happpened.
I never thought this would happen because I was kinda "gave up" already.
It's good when I didn't expect any of this to happen and it feels really good that way.
It's more comfortable this way and I hope this thing could just last like this.
A surprise. and I called it faith.
Ever since Alan "found" me back again, I started to believe that we meet and knowing each other for reasons.
I offen to question myself, "There's billions of people in the world, and why do I meet you? Why you?"
Because it just happen for the second times today.
and it proven that, what I believe is true.
It's important to appreciate things that happen around. Even the tiny little thing.
What happens, do happens. Do not let regret happens.
I just felt so incredible and it was beautiful :)
For one moment, I feel so glad that I was cooking that time. haha
Tuesday, April 3
:)
"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
- Abraham Lincoln
I have make my own choice.
I decided to let things be.
No stress. No constrain. No regret.
I just want you to be happy, and I'll be happy, too.
Miss you :)
Friday, March 30
To be.
“To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd!”
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd!”
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Wednesday, March 28
Sunday, March 25
25032012
I wish you never appear in front of me.
You are the incident that gives me headache.
I would not want more imaginary that are unrealistic.
You are the trouble that I could not figure out the problem.
Do not give me hopes on what will not happen because I might just being fooled by your sincerely smile.
I still like you though. Ouch! Kick ass.
You are the incident that gives me headache.
I would not want more imaginary that are unrealistic.
You are the trouble that I could not figure out the problem.
Do not give me hopes on what will not happen because I might just being fooled by your sincerely smile.
I still like you though. Ouch! Kick ass.
Tuesday, March 13
Wednesday, March 7
I know you.
Just after I posted a pic about the blood donation for today in FB
It reminds me of that guy that I just met today.
Well, it goes like this.
I was with Sok Yee at the MPH and we were waiting for our turn.
and we were told to take the empty seat if there is.
I was asked by the nurse to take a seat which was just beside a green tee shirt guy.
Then the moment I lied down, that guy talked to me.
"Are you Littel Red?"
Oops, gotta say this shocked me quite a while,
and we started to have some conversations.
Found out that he was one of Crystal's friend and it is obviously he had saw me in pic at FB.
I didn't know I got this easy-to-recognise face. haha
We talked common stuff about what course, unity camp, bla bla.
and I told him, he looked familiar to me, I had seen him before.
I wonder why I could said something like that cause I didn't know if it was true.
Alan, is his name.
A-L-A-N.
Now this is freaking me out.
It sounds so-o-o familiar.
and when I searched through FB...
OMG!
I did know this guy!
I knew him when I'm 18.
He, eventually, was one of the tutor too in the same tuition center with me last time.
Gosh! It's been 4 years ago since the last time I saw him!
Now it reminds me of why he spoke like ang mou.
He stayed at US when he's young.
I never thought we could meeting each other back this way and I wonder if he still remember.
This world is so damn SMALL!
Gotta tell him about this when we go to Unity Camp 2.0 coming next Thursday :D
Can't wait to see what is his reaction! must be shocking too! haha
Oh, and one more thing.
I puke after I ate the chocolate he gave me.
Maybe, this had refresh my mind. XD
It reminds me of that guy that I just met today.
Well, it goes like this.
I was with Sok Yee at the MPH and we were waiting for our turn.
and we were told to take the empty seat if there is.
I was asked by the nurse to take a seat which was just beside a green tee shirt guy.
Then the moment I lied down, that guy talked to me.
"Are you Littel Red?"
Oops, gotta say this shocked me quite a while,
and we started to have some conversations.
Found out that he was one of Crystal's friend and it is obviously he had saw me in pic at FB.
I didn't know I got this easy-to-recognise face. haha
We talked common stuff about what course, unity camp, bla bla.
and I told him, he looked familiar to me, I had seen him before.
I wonder why I could said something like that cause I didn't know if it was true.
Alan, is his name.
A-L-A-N.
Now this is freaking me out.
It sounds so-o-o familiar.
and when I searched through FB...
OMG!
I did know this guy!
I knew him when I'm 18.
He, eventually, was one of the tutor too in the same tuition center with me last time.
Gosh! It's been 4 years ago since the last time I saw him!
Now it reminds me of why he spoke like ang mou.
He stayed at US when he's young.
I never thought we could meeting each other back this way and I wonder if he still remember.
This world is so damn SMALL!
Gotta tell him about this when we go to Unity Camp 2.0 coming next Thursday :D
Can't wait to see what is his reaction! must be shocking too! haha
Oh, and one more thing.
I puke after I ate the chocolate he gave me.
Maybe, this had refresh my mind. XD
Tuesday, March 6
06032012
I won't change the fact of what I've decided.
It won't have any changes neither.
I'm getting
Sadder. Unhappy. Sorrow. Depressing.
of how things going on.
I don't want to make myself look so pathetic.
I decided to ignore this matter.
I don't know what so big deal about this to me.
Why people can take it so easily while I need to surfer from this matter?
Why people can see it as a happy thing happening around and why can't I?
Why people can feel the happiness that it distract me so much that I could take it anymore?
Seriously?
Why do I fucking care!
Maybe,
I'll just need more time.
I need more time to cool down myself
and
accepting the fact that have no changes.
even I how much I hate the fact it is.
How much I hope I never feel this way...
Tears will always give me comfort.
Hopefully the brighter side of me could cheers me up by getting rid of all this sadness as soon as possible.
I would not want sadness to ruin my happiness.
Chin Ee, cheer up!
It won't have any changes neither.
I'm getting
Sadder. Unhappy. Sorrow. Depressing.
of how things going on.
I don't want to make myself look so pathetic.
I decided to ignore this matter.
I don't know what so big deal about this to me.
Why people can take it so easily while I need to surfer from this matter?
Why people can see it as a happy thing happening around and why can't I?
Why people can feel the happiness that it distract me so much that I could take it anymore?
Seriously?
Why do I fucking care!
Maybe,
I'll just need more time.
I need more time to cool down myself
and
accepting the fact that have no changes.
even I how much I hate the fact it is.
How much I hope I never feel this way...
Tears will always give me comfort.
Hopefully the brighter side of me could cheers me up by getting rid of all this sadness as soon as possible.
I would not want sadness to ruin my happiness.
Chin Ee, cheer up!
Sunday, March 4
04032012
What happen to me.
Why can't I just ignore it.
This is getting worse.
What can I do?
I can do, nothing.
Just, nothing.
Shall I just let it be?
I don't know.
and I don't want.
But
There's nothing I can do to make it different.
I am so fucking hate myself now.
Why do I care so much?
The more I care, the more I feel the pain.
This is just too sad to be sad.
:(
Why can't I just ignore it.
This is getting worse.
What can I do?
I can do, nothing.
Just, nothing.
Shall I just let it be?
I don't know.
and I don't want.
But
There's nothing I can do to make it different.
I am so fucking hate myself now.
Why do I care so much?
The more I care, the more I feel the pain.
This is just too sad to be sad.
:(
Wednesday, February 29
Happy Random
The pics below were took on last Saturday at around 830pm.
We went swimming and dinner together.
We, eventually, went to Uncle Boey's house after dinner and I think that will be the 1st and last he would ever invite us there. haha
Having seriously MUCH fun though I was extremely tired after work X)
I'm so sorry to my beloved lai ma that I didn't captured your whole figure into the pic.
I was just testing the panorama that time.
and I like the superb vertical size of the pic which capture the whole thing.
It's been long time ago and I don't even remember when was the last time we hanging out on Saturday night like this.
Kakilangs are having hard time to spend some quality time together and will only meet up during special occasions such as birthday celebration.
such a shame
there's only two months to go until we finish our last semester.
I will probably missing all of you though I know you all won't miss me.
Can't believe I'm saying this right now, but I am really glad that I meet you all and we become really close friends that can talk about fart and shit whenever we want, and I know that sounds so wrong and disgusting, but those kinda crappy communications shown that we are actually close as family members too.
I believe in fate.
and
I know it. This is fate.
Although our relationship status might now change from Kakilang to "Harlo-Harlo friend" in future, but I won't get upset or dissapointed, because I already have a irreplaceable and unique sweet memories that will always keep in my mind and heart.
Thank you for loving and caring me all this time in uni.
I hope you all could continue to love me and I hope there is no expire date for our friendships.
I don't know why I am being so sentimental and super geli here, lastly, I gotta say that, I hope we can still be friends or Kakilangs in second life :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)